I know. I know. I haven’t written here in ages. I think I got tired of apologizing for my busy schedule that I decided to not write much. I also changed my blog from being the front page so that people don’t automatically see that I haven’t written for months. However, I still think there is a place for my blog in the virtually limitless internet. I still get plenty of hits a day. (Unfortunately, they are mostly because of my post about Chuck Norris and because I told someone that they should post about the largest swimming pool in the world.) I hope that some might enjoy some of the other things that I have posted about though. Also, there are a couple other blogs that I have started (mainly for my enjoyment) about my trip to Argentina and also about stuff in technology that I’m learning. I think they are still private, but I am thinking about making them public when they are pretty-fied and have better/more content.

Content:

Because of feedback from various people I have come to realize that I have become a negative person lately. I look back to when I was younger and people said that they never saw me without a smile. What a contrast! Sure, I can blame it on the “hard life” I have chosen with full-time work, school, and marriage. I don’t think that is it. I can also gather from some of my psychology classes that I might be depressed to a degree. However, I don’t think that it starts there. What I have determined is that much of my life I rely on myself. When people ask how I am doing, most of what I find is that I’m not really happy about much of what I do. But work, school, and marriage aren’t the issue. Although much of what has been happening in my life lately have been huge changes (switching churches, my company being bought out, and the never ending class changes every five weeks) those changes still haven’t caused this negativity in me. So, I have found that my reliance has been on myself and not in Christ.

This is something that I think we all do to some degree. We go through life not necessarily looking for joy but not finding joy in our day to day lives. We kind of expect it without looking for it much like a king would expect a meal at noon without thinking that he has to go look for it. Without Christ, the only place I expect joy to come from is in what I do. So, I have had to realize that my life will continue down the negativity slope until I find my hope and joy in Christ. When I find myself being overly negative, it is a reminder that the love of Christ gives joy. Perhaps, I should look to Christ instead of myself to fill that gap where joy should be. The gap just seems to get bigger the more I try to put myself in there.

Summary:

So, in conclusion, look to Christ if you find yourself where I have found myself. As David says, “He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken” (Ps 62:6). In Him I can be sure to find joy even in difficulties of life. Look to him.

Our culture teaches us that it is acceptable to do as you please no matter who it hurts (although they might not blatantly say that). It’s all about you. God teaches us that love is so much greater and that showing your family His love is one of the highest of His callings. So, men, man up and love. Lead well. Point them to Christ with your life.

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I know this may sound like the underlying theme of my posts about me, but I feel like there is a constant war in me. Often it is a bit overwhelming. Nevertheless, I live to the next day. I am finding that God is my rock, my balance. He is the one who keeps me existing and growing from one day to the next despite the commotion going on inside me. He is so good and faithful. Right now I am spiritually not at a great point of my life to be honest. I have been giving so much to other things and not to God. But God tugs at my heart. He beckons me with his faithful kindness and tender mercies each day. In the end, He always brings me back to Himself which is when and where I find my rest. So, I leave you with this prayer from the Valley of Vision. I read this yesterday and it was one of the things that pointed me back to Him. I hope that it is as encouraging to you as it was to me. It is called Spiritual Growth.

O thou most high,

In the way of thy appointment I am waiting
for thee,
My desire is to thy name,
My mind to remembrance of thee.
I am a sinner, but not insensible of my state.
My iniquities are great and numberless,
but thou art adequate to my relief,
for thou art rich in mercy;
the blood of thy Son can cleanse from all sin;
the agency of thy Spirit can subdue
my most powerful lusts.
Give me a tender, wakeful conscience
that can smite and torment me when I sin.

May I be consistent in conversation and conduct,
the same alone as in company,
in prosperity and adversity,
accepting all thy commandments as right,
and hating every false way.
May I never be satisfied with my present
spiritual progress,
but to faith add virtue, knowledge, temperance,
godliness, brotherly kindness, charity.
May I never neglect
what is necessary to constitute Christian character,
and needful to complete it.
May I cultivate the expedient,
develop the lovely, adorn the gospel,
recommend the religion of Jesus,
accommodate myself to thy providence.

Keep me from sinking or sinning in the evil day;
Help me to carry into ordinary life portions
of divine truth
and use them on suitable occasions, so that
its doctrines may inform,
its warnings caution,
its rules guide,
its promises comfort me.

Leave me some thoughts or share with me what brings you back to God in times of struggle.

- Josh

Aware
by Salvador

Even in the little things
That never seem too big to me
And the things I thought
Didn’t matter much at all

As simple as my daily bread
To the strength I need to get out of bed
When I fly, when I’m about to Fall

It’s you in me
That I fail to see

Make me aware, make me see
That everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found

Make me aware, make me aware

When my life is hanging from a thread
And I think about the things you said
That in this moment seems so far away

Help me see the guarantees
That first brought me to believe
So I can make it through another day

Oh, it’s you in me
That helps me breathe

Make me aware, make me see

That everything I am is not all about me
So, take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found

Make me aware
I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch
All acknowledging that you’re the reason I’m even here

I have been missing so much
Not recognizing your touch

Make me aware, make me aware

Help me see,
That everything I am is not all about me
Take my world, turn it around
So that the obvious can finally be found
Make me aware, make me aware

- Josh

My Father,

When thou art angry towards me for my wrongs

I try to pacify thee by abstaining from future sin;

But teach me that I cannot satisfy the law,

that this effort is a resting in my righteousness,

that only Christ’s righteousness, ready made,

already finished, is fit for that purpose;

that thy chastising me for my sin is not

that I should try to reform, but only

that I may be more humbled, afflicted, and

separated from sin, by being reconciled,

and made righteous in Christ by faith;

that a sense of my sufficiency and ability in him

is one means of being immovable;

that I can never be so by resting on my own faith,

but by trusting in thee as my only support,

by faith;

that if I cast away my faith I cast away thee,

for by faith I apprehend thee,

and as thou art is very precious,

so is my faith very precious to me;

that I fall short of the purity thou requirest,

because in thinking I am holy I do not

seek holiness,

or, believing I am impotent, I do no more.

Humble me for not being as holy as I should be,

or as holy as I might be through Christ,

for thou art all, and to posses thee is to possess all.

But to make the creature something

is to make it stand between thee and me,

so that I do not walk humbly and holily.

Lord, forgive me for this.

“…but what are you learning theologically?” I have been asking myself this a lot lately. I would have to say that I am learning the hardest part of theology – the application. Leading up to my first year of college in the fall of 2004 I had been learning about theological terms. Theological debates inspired me, grew me, and energized me. Now – not so much. Since that year I have been learning about people and God’s love for them. I have been learning that living with people is tough. Theologically speaking, God is supremely glorified in my utter weakness. This weakness in me has been pointed out to me through relationships with family, friends, co-workers, colleagues, and even online friends (whom I may never meet in real life). Knowing theology (academically) is nice, but it is in vain if never applied. In my life, God is teaching me love, forgiveness, weakness, pain, humility, and many other things that are also theological but tend to veer towards God’s relationship to people through me. Many times I feel like I am not growing, but I am struck in awe when I look back to see what works He does without my realizing it.

So, am I studying all the latest debates and theological hot topics? No. I am studying life through God. I honestly think it is more exhausting and time-consuming. I wouldn’t trade it for anything though. Maybe some day I will get back to studying commentaries and systematic theology books. For now, life in Christ will have to do.

I prod you now. What are you really learning?

- Josh

We have been going through several stages over the past several years. We have gone from having a pastor to no pastor (for about 1.5 yrs – I think…I may be wrong) to a pastor to change. Through all this many have chosen to leave the body for reasons from job transfer and ministry opportunities to family concerns. While they are all understandable, our church has completely changed in the three years that I have been attending. Many of the people who were there in the beginning are not there. The complete make-up of the body has changed. This leads me to ask the following questions:

• If the church is the people, what am I supposed to commit to if the people come and go?
• If I stay, am I not just committing only to the teaching elder and the doctrines that have been set up?
• What is the church now?

I have no intention of leaving at all. I believe that God is doing a wonderful work at Grace Bible Church. Sometimes things like this happen for us to refocus on Him, our true prize. I am very excited about the friends that God has led me to as new members, but the recent events cannot be ignored. I am not as concerned about the reason people are leaving as I am the implications of their leaving. What are we now? Sure, we still have a good body, but those who I committed to when I became a member are gone.

I am sorry that I do not have many answers on this post. Sometimes I write just to clear my head and try to provide fuel for the thoughts of others. I doubt that we are the only church going through such circumstances. I praise God for his work in our lives no matter how misunderstood his actions may be. Nothing that I have seen is wrong with our leadership, teaching, or practice. Just people’s actions leave me to wonder and reconsider the meaning of the church.

Trusting in the wisdom of God, our wonderful gospel

Josh

As I already mentioned, I got a concussion on the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend. Basically, a bunch of us at the church Memorial Weekend Campout were playing a game of Ultimate Frisbee. Our outnumbered team was not doing well. There was a low throw from someone on the other team. Josh Hurst and I both took a dash and dive for it. Unfortunately, we did not see each other and were both on the same team. From what I understand, I hit the ground with the right side of my face and my right shoulder. I believe Josh landed on me somehow with his left arm stuck underneath me. I ended up with a concussion and he ended up with a broken arm in three places. Josh was rushed off the scene to a gracious doctor who was with our church. He knew that is was broken and tried to brace it as much as possible. I walked back and was in a daze of what just happened. From what I hear from others, my eye looked like a black eye and I had a really bad look on my face. The people decided that I needed to go to the hospital with Josh.

The closest hospital was about 20-30 minutes away. Our doctor came with us and called the hospital ahead to get Josh’s information in. Josh and I were both admitted. They ran some x-rays on him and a CT scan on me. The verdict was a broken arm for him and a minor concussion for me. There was no bleeding in my head for me (Praise the Lord). They said that it would not take too much time before I was healed. For Josh, his arm might have to be reexamined to see if they need surgery for a little triangle piece that was “floating” around in his arm.

I have not heard anything since then about Josh’s arm. As for me, there has been a lot of pain through headaches and a lot of dizziness/dazing out for me. I think this last Friday was the first time since the accident that I have seemed “aware”, as my co-workers say. The headaches also seemed to be mostly gone. I asked my younger brother to come over on Saturday to help me with my yard work since the grass needed to be cut for a long time. In just the time time that it took for me to get the lawn mower going and the weed eater going, my headaches all started coming back. I took a pain killer that the doctors pescribed for me. The pain went away. Not realizing that it was the pain killer that helped my pain go away, I thought that I felt well enough to go help with the weed eating. I helped a bit but soon we had to leave. I could feel my headache coming back slowly. As I went to drop my brother off at a graduation party and go to my brother-in-law’s birthday party, the pain from the headache increased. When I got home that evening, I was in a lot of pain. I didn’t realize how much pain I was going through until the pain killer wore off. So, in the end I am doing well as long as I do not do much. It is a bit frustrating to me, but I know that it is good for me. While I am not normally that active of a guy, I do enjoy walks, working out, and other things like that. All of these start headaches back up for me. So, for now, I am just doing my office work and doing some household chores while I slowly heal.

Please keep the Hursts in your prayers as they deal with the results and bills from the accident.

I think the main thing that God has used in my life from this comes from my reaction and their reaction to the incident. When asked about the first reaction from the accident, Miriam Hurst (Josh’s wife) replied that she prayed. As Josh Hurst got into the vehicle to take him to the hospital, his reply to everyone was “God is sovereign, but you can pray if you want to.” Although humorous, he is right and yet different than my reaction. My reaction was more to the worry of the bills and if I really was going to be alright and what was wrong with me. God was teaching me a lesson of reliance on Him and not to worry. It is a lesson that Hannah and I have been learning since this spring. Read through Matthew 6 for me. That has been the passage that God has used most to teach us.

Well, I must get back to life here. I hope to be able to write some more on here now that I have more free time. We will see though. For now, may our good God bless you with grace and peace.

Josh Blaha

It finally hit me today. The problem is not with God. The problem is with me. I have to understand the goal of God and the material that He is working with – clay. I am but dust, yet He is forming me into the shape of His perfect, holy Son. The weakness is in me – not in Him. I am His weakness. He chose me and is perfecting me. The clay is weak and the goal is precise. “Why doesn’t He change me already?” It is because He is good and does not wish for robots to give Him praise. It is because I am so messed up that to change me that drastically would be to destroy me. It is so that I can taste His goodness and faithfulness. He is winning me with His love. I am now glad to be called His weakness. I am glad that He is delicate with each precise movement and etching that He makes in my feeble life. I look forward to the time that I can worship Him wholly and purely. That will be a great day indeed! For now, I will rejoice in my weaknesses and praise Him for what is has done and is doing.

I leave you with one of my favorite passages in all the Bible.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
– 2 Cor 12:9-10

What misconceptions have you had that drew you closer to Him when you finally understood them correctly?

– Josh